Self-respect is Self-care

To care for yourself is to practice self-respect. Self-respect is self-care. It is never wrong to expect respect from others, as much as respect of others is expected of you. Respect is defined by boundaries that are lined in stone, not sand. Allowing someone ( often someone close to you) to ignore your boundaries is compromising self-respect. How do you demand respect in the face of abuse? You can demand respect by requesting someone to treat you the way he wants to be treated.

No one is worth your time when the shouting, insults and cursing starts.  No  argument can get logical when there is a barrage of angry emotional outburst.  The other person may not want to acknowledge you or your point of view and covers it by shouting. If this happens, detach yourself and remove yourself from this situation in any way possible. Make sure it doesn’t happen again by mentally distancing yourself. Walk away – refuse to hear abusive words.  If you cannot physically distance yourself, then mentally conjure up a wall refusing to acknowledge that any of the abusive words against you are true. You are not what others think of you.

If all attempts at compromise failed, physical distancing is the last stage of this gradual process of healing. This stage can happen in an instant, but if the person means a lot to you then this process becomes less painful in time, as you emancipate slowly from the emotional bonds that bind you.

Protect yourself.

It is not being selfish to want to protect yourself from any form of abuse.It is important to repeat “self-respect is self-care” like a mantra. Self-respect will guide you how to protect yourself from people who may have forgotten their own personal boundaries and from those who try to dominate your way of thinking, your way of life and rob you of your unique essence.

If you cannot discuss disagreements amiably, then the connection is not worth the shouting match. Staying in such a toxic relationship only eats away at your self-respect. 

Mental, physical and emotional abuse weakens, if not totally break the bonds of relationship between friends, family, partner or even work colleagues. One who cannot find the root cause of any misunderstanding and focuses on his own hurt every time you argue may be a narcissist.   For a narcissist,  he or she can not do wrong and his or her every action is justified, which is a precursor to abuse. 

Forgive yourself.

If nothing else works, it is ok to say you made a mistake. It is alright to acknowledge your shortcomings – that you have sidestepped your own personal boundaries. The other person may not accept any fault, so give that apology to yourself. For a moment, you may have seen the other person in the wrong light. If the abuser won’t apologize then forgive him anyway, and move on. It’s ok to feel sorry for yourself for a while. and then try to forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself releases all the guilt that may burden you in your journey to self-healing.

Go back to that person who knows her worth, and if someone cannot pay that high price you demand – loyalty, commitment, unwavering and meaningful connection, being valued – then there are no more words to say. Do yourself a favor and leave. Do not ever look back.

No love is greater than the love you have for yourself. The golden rule said, “Love others as you love yourself.” You may have forgotten the latter part of the statement – to love yourself first – so you can love others according to the golden rule.

Repeat “Self-respect is self-care.” like a mantra.

Seek professional treatment if the need arises.

While it is true that self-respect is self-care, it is always best to seek professional treatment. Anxiety disorders and depression brought about by trauma and abuse may dissipate over time, or it can get worse. Since you are your own ultimate healer, halt anxiety and depression before it spirals down uncontrollably in its destructive tracks. Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness. It is the smartest thing you can do for yourself.

Love yourself as you find your own path.

Love yourself enough that you want to make yourself happy, enough to desire personal growth, enough to believe in yourself and your dreams again. This self-love is enough to care for your mind, body and spirit.

Seek that which brings you joy, things and people who light you up – chase all those bright things that make you smile that you glow in your own light. Love yourself enough that your light shines like a beacon in the night, guiding others to find their way in the dark, guiding your true love to finally come to you.